No vulgarities, but only the truth of life - this is what popular statuses about sex describe, because adults are accustomed to perceiving even personal relationships with humor. Certainly, funny statuses about sex do not go into any personalities, but are only anecdotes without any hints. There are also statuses with meaning about sex, in which you can glean a couple of caustic remarks for ex-boyfriend or girls, but they are also of a general nature and written with a bit of humor.
Of all bad habits, the most idiotic thing is to remain faithful to a person who doesn’t need you...
Men remember! what kind of sex was that... the same will be the borscht!!! There will be a wife - undercooked -... and so will the potatoes... undercooked!!!))
We made a light switch in the bedroom that responds to cotton. Now it’s not sex, but a disco!
Topics like: 10 mistakes women make in bed really infuriate me. A woman can only make one mistake in bed - the WRONG MAN!
I wrote down my loved one’s phone number in the phone book as sex.
Now, if he misses my call, then the screen will say: sex missed!
- Darling... Sorry, but when I have sex with you, I think about other women.
- You bastard! By the way, when I have sex with other men, I always think only about you.
So that your butt doesn't get fat,
Warm up your body with sex.
Legs higher, arms wider,
Three or four times a night.
The more sex, the better the figure, the better the figure, the more sex. Ideal system.
Sometimes I want to throw him onto the bed, tear his shirt and rape him, but alas, I’m modest.
Husband and wife in bed. Husband: “let’s squeak the bed, the neighbors will think we’re having crazy sex.” Okay... they creaked. In the morning, the husband sees an empty plate and spoon in the kitchen. Wife: “If you knock on the plate with a spoon, the neighbors will think that you’re full.”
Series! -No, football! -No, series! -Football! -Series! -Football! -Sex! -Ah, to hell football!)))
If the quarrel does not end in violent sex, then the woman will start a scandal again and again until the man understands the meaning of life.
Late at night, the husband wakes up his wife; “Galya, I want you...” Galya: “Grisha, why was it necessary to wake me up?! Or have you forgotten where it is?”
The guy at the cash register.
- Girl, give me one chocolate bar and ten condoms.
Cashier:
- They won’t give you so many times for one chocolate bar!
Condoms don't break, they burst with pleasure!
Friendship between a guy and a girl happens only after friendly sex.
Casual sex is like a job interview: we will definitely call you.
Lucy, you should give me back the keys, we broke up! What if you come unexpectedly like this, and I’m having sex!
- Not scary. I'll wait a minute and a half.
Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1987. Mileage 25. Light tan color. Height 169cm. The headlights are green. Documents in hand. There is no tuning. The body is not damaged. The roof is in place. The brakes are fine. All options. I start with a half turn...
Cool women's statuses about Sex
X A well-crumpled woman in a rumpled bed always feels rested and rejuvenated.
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N Don't believe a man when he tells you
How insatiable and cool he is.
All this is bragging, but experience will show -
Two poses and eight minutes...
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R It's not sex that corrupts, it's the lack of it...
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R Russian linguists managed to find the origins of the word “SEX”. It turned out that this abbreviation came to us from the times of matriarchy and it stands for as follows: “I AGREE, IF, OF COURSE, YOU CAN”!
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T Oh, what a drunk woman has on her mind, a sober man will never succeed.
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N There are not women who only want sex from men. There are men who have nothing to offer a woman except sex...
M Men are strange creatures: they love bitches, but live with mice, they admire girls in mini-dresses, and wrap their girls in blankets, they fuck, but they look for virgins, they love, but they cheat. And after that you say that we women are strange creatures...?
U The partner brings satisfaction, not sex!
WITH Sex can only be truly amazing when it is combined with love. The rest is fitness.
IN After all, the word “no” is the most reliable contraceptive!
D A man’s dignity is equal to the width of a woman’s smile after sex, and not what you measure with a ruler...
P about statistics, 90% of girls who tell their mother that they will spend the night with a friend today do not even go to bed.
X Do you want to evoke both feelings in a man at the same time - hatred and delight? - Scribble on the hood of his car “You are the best at sex!”
IN seven men need only three things to be happy with a woman - support, fidelity, sex. If you can give this to a man, any man will be there for you.
E for a long, long, long time! If it's a long, long, long time! If it's a long, long, long time... It means your husband is young!!!
TO Race demands sex!
AND Life is a disease that is sexually transmitted!
E If you see me, don't look! And if you look, don’t kiss. Well, if you kiss, then don’t make love to me. And if you make love to me, then DON'T STOP!
AND A woman should dress in such a way that a man would want to undress her!
ABOUT bottom friend brags to another:
- You know, only Vasya managed to awaken the woman in me!..
- Well, of course, with such an alarm clock!
WITH I'll soon get to the point where I'll throw coins into his bed so I can come back...
E If LIFE fucks me like that, it means I'm VERY sexy!
D and so that I come to you every day in a dream and don’t let you!
WITH The most arrogant creatures in the world are men! Where they came from is where they climb.
R I wanted to please my husband with a pie. I baked it. I tried it... I decided that I’d better go and please my husband with sex.
R A girl's ears should tremble from gifts, her legs from sex, and her heart from love!
E If a man in bed calls you by a different name, say that he didn’t guess correctly and that another participant is making it to the finals.
P Arnie - like a watch.... You have to wind it every time!
H The more you have sex with your wife, the less your wife has sex with your brain
AND women imitate orgasm. The men moved on. They imitate relationships.
N I saw my neighbor’s bed creaking... Just a minute... Serves her right!
M Dear ladies, remember that “a week without sex” can easily turn into “Oh, the guy has been gone for six months.”
D Girls have sex as much as they want, and guys - as much as they give
E he’s not interested in the size of my breasts, it doesn’t matter to him whether I’ve had sex or how many partners I’ve had, he just asks me to dress warmer when going out, and every time I meet him he brings me chocolate.
M Men love beautiful and inaccessible people. I'll go put on my makeup and lock myself in the safe...
U My husband and I have such a difference in weight that when I read the Kama Sutra, he reads prayers...
F times: “Come to my place and let’s watch a movie,” he forces the girls to shave their legs...
N and on a women’s forum: “My husband and I had a fight, but he continues to give me cunnilingus every day. Can we consider him to be sucking up?”
AND the fluid immersed in the body will go to school in seven years.
As many have realized, this section publishes the most cool statuses about sex. Yes, exactly about sex! And even if they are a little vulgar, these statuses are still quite popular among users social networks.
Let's read a small collection of sexual statuses sent by our users:
A girl's hands should tremble from gifts, her legs from sex, and her heart from love!What elongates when you take it in your hands, pass it between your breasts and insert it into the hole? Safety belt!
Today is World Contraception Day - anyone who knows gays can call and congratulate you.
3 a.m. The wife says to her husband:
- Darling, do you want me to give you a blowjob?
- What don’t I have?
- You have everything. Sleep dear... sleep...
In club:
- Girl, let’s go to my place?
- What for?
- Well... let's see the movie?
- No, a guy here offered me sex, I’d better go to him! xD
How nice it is to live and know that they are not cheating on you! And with you!
I came to you with greetings, to tell you that the sun rose and raised the blanket by 20 centimeters.
Would you like a girl...
- Well, there’s always problems with them... And I’m already tired of living alone...
Trust seven times, check once.
The nice neighbor downstairs said that if I flooded him again, he would rape him. I turned on the water, sat and waited.
A maniac runs into the bus and yells: “Now I’ll rape everyone!” Girl: “Well, at least don’t touch the elderly.” Granny: “I said everyone, that means everyone!”
The size of a man’s dignity is equal to the width of a woman’s smile after sex, and not what he measured with a ruler.
Mom, we were asked to write an essay about how I was born.
- They found you in the cabbage.
From the essay:
- My parents multiplied vegetative way, having never known the joy of sex...
The most common phrase that guys say in the bathhouse locker room when they take off their panties is: “It’s kind of cold in here.”
Life in the house went calmly until my wife noticed that our neighbor was washing the stairwell with my panties.
IN ancient Rus' there was no word “orgasm” so the girls experienced something wonderful and wonderful...
It's not the boobs that make a girl beautiful... But no, the boobs. Everything is correct.
It's hard to argue with a naked woman. That's not why she undressed.
Do you want magical love? - How is it? - And we’ll fuck and I’ll disappear.
The arms, legs, necks, heels are mixed up in the crib... This is what typos in the Kama Sutra sometimes lead to:)
How to make a guy hysterical? Write to him: “How about sex without obligations?!” And then add: “Sorry, this is not for you!”
Cute bounty is looking for a bright Snickers for a regular Twix...
You have 5 minutes so that I don’t have time to get dressed...
Women get married to have sex 5-6 times a week. Men get divorced for the same purpose.
Correspondence between a girl and a guy: she: what are you doing? he: I can’t sleep, I’m counting sheep. she: exes or what?
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There is a cherished line in the closeness of people, love and passion cannot cross it...
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You don't have a girlfriend! You can feel it. Being close to a woman leaves an imprint on a man. And you don't have it...
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Proximity is not the elimination of distance, but its overcoming.
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Your Soul is CLOSE to My Soul!!!
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Closeness to a person is determined by how much you can shit on him without getting kicked.
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I will be near. Although I won’t show that I care about your life, your downfalls and joys, so as not to upset your closeness with the person you want to see next to you. I'll always be there
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Love your neighbor at any distance, and it will begin to shrink.
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There are closenesses that cannot be broken. Sewn tightly. Like Levi's jeans.
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Refined pleasure is not just intimacy. Touching tenderness, awakening sensuality... erotic, slow dance.
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A night spent together brings us closer together. Sex has nothing to do with it.
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Close souls grow together. And if a person is truly close and dear to you, you will never hurt him, because his pain will immediately become your own.
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I believe you are sincerely sad and do not hide your melancholy. We did not become close to each other, although we were so close.
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Wine gives the illusion of joy, and sex gives the illusion of intimacy...
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Sometimes you want to be closer than just “next to”...
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“Physical intimacy is always a change of appearance: a man can become huge, like a tree, like a column; the woman, on the contrary, seems to go into infinity, folding space and time within herself. »
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Looking into someone else's soul is dangerous. This is getting too close. Trust is too much responsibility.
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Sexual intimacy can only be compared to music and prayer.
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Close is not the one who is nearby, but the one to whom the soul is drawn...
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Everyone wants to be with a person who will be easy to be with.
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Heaven is when you are in love and the love never grows cold. And the feeling of closeness never stops. Heaven is feeling close...
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Is intimacy good for human health?
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“What is the most important thing in any life we choose? – I thought. – Can it all be so simple and come down to intimacy with the one we love? »
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In passion-love, perfect happiness lies not so much in intimacy as in the final step.
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The opposite of loneliness is not living together, but spiritual closeness.
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The closer people are, the fewer words are needed.
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I appreciate smart people, respect the brave, admire the talented, admire the beautiful... And I love my own!
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A woman is like a bullet with a displaced center of gravity: it hits the eye, passes through the heart and exits sideways through the pocket.
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I've been looking for so long for that hand that I could hold.
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Sometimes it seems like I don't even need air. I breathe the warmth of your body, I breathe you...
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A hut where they laugh is worth more than a palace where they cry.
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For a man, a moment of intimacy is important, for a woman - a feeling of infinity of intimacy. It's good when these moments add up to infinity...
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Intimacy reveals the secrets of other people's souls...
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In his previous environment, no one was particularly embarrassed if boys and girls sought intimacy, conquered each other with kisses and caresses
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If both want the same thing, then they have a chance to become closer to each other!
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People associate too much with intimacy, when real intimacy is deeper. She is in a gentle touch, in a calm look and even breathing nearby.
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Sexual pleasure with a partner does not always imply intimacy, but intimacy with a person is not always pleasure...
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Being truly close to your loved one is not just about being sincere...
... This is when you can tell him at any moment what you are thinking about now... without a shadow of fear or doubt!
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Probably, no intimacy in the world can compare with two glances that openly and decisively meet each other and never let go
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Where? Show me where is this love? I can't see her, I can't touch her, I can't feel her. I hear it, I hear the words, but I have nothing to do with your easy words. Late.
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While you are young, you think that sex is the culmination of intimacy. Then you discover that this is hardly the beginning of it.
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It all starts with communication, if communication is interesting, friendship arises (a person for the soul), if friendship is pleasant, intimacy appears (a person for the body), if intimacy brings peace and satisfaction, a feeling comes (a person for life).
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True intimacy usually starts from afar.
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Close is not the one you can reach with your hand, but the one to whom the soul reaches out...
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Don't stand close to me, I'm a lioness, not a pussy.
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What difference does it make whether there is female friendship, male friendship or friendship between a man and a woman? It happens that without a person it’s impossible. And it doesn’t matter what gender or height you both are. Closeness of souls, that's what happens. The rest doesn't matter.
Statuses about intimacy
Many women believe that the man should take the initiative in any area of the relationship. A lady's behavior should be like that of an unapproachable queen.
On the one hand, the approach is correct and corresponds to stereotypical ideas about relationships, but on the other hand, men with such ladies become bored.
Any man likes it when a lady starts flirting with him, but how to do this if your dear one constantly disappears at business meetings and business trips.
This is why they were invented short sms messages that excite a man's imagination from a distance.
Exciting SMS to a man in your own words
Most women who are inexperienced in sexual correspondence often make a common mistake - they try to overwhelm a man with vulgar messages.
Due to his assertive behavior, the young man does not know whether to continue communication further. Of course, there are men who love this behavior, but many representatives of the stronger sex prefer to keep the intrigue.
Home The girl’s task is to interest the guy and arouse interest in the person so that he instantly wants to be next to his beloved.
Therefore, it is better to start correspondence with an unobtrusive declaration of love in your own words. Next, it is recommended to move on to more explicit messages, supported by intimate photographs.
Examples short phrases and mind-boggling SMS:
- Day all day long, thoughts about you do not leave my head. I dream of being close to you, hugging you tightly and kissing you passionately!
- Can't you imagine how much I miss you. It seems to me that your scent accompanies me everywhere.
- Now morning, but I'm looking forward to the evening with great impatience. I dream of relaxing my body as gently as I did yesterday.
- Going to I’m going to bed and can’t decide: to take off the cute black stockings that delicately fit my slender legs?
Or don’t touch them - will you rush over and help pull them off? – a challenging phrase can be written at night.
- I wanted fall asleep, but it didn’t work out. I close my eyes and see your pumped up beautiful body: various vulgarities arise in my head.
- Want caress your body and enjoy passionate kisses.
- Come tonight if you want to see a sweet and long striptease performed by the priestess of love.
- Darling, let's take a shower together today? Me and you, and a minimum of clothes!
- Eat great idea– chain you to the bed with a belt and do whatever I want!
- Want see your naked body on a soft bed.
- Imagine me in my favorite black lace lingerie. I'll meet you like this today!
- When you caress my body, I go crazy. I have never met big, strong and gentle hands.
- So I want you so much that I’m going crazy now.
- Want at night to extend the pleasure that we started this morning.
- I'm now completely naked. It's boring at home and I'm alone.
- Darling, I was cooking your favorite dish, and realized how much I missed it. I’ve already rented a Japanese schoolgirl costume and cognac – I’m waiting for it in the evening.
- I read it an article about how you can please a guy. Come and let's try it!
- Bought new underwear – a man’s assessment is needed.
- I decided I don’t want to wear clothes at home anymore – I’m waiting for a reaction.
- Today I signed up for yoga so I can touch my heels to my head – I think you don’t mind.
It is worth noting: the longer a couple is in a relationship, the more varied the words you will have to invent.
On initial stage meetings, young man one has only to imagine a girl without underwear - and he is ready to run to her.
Dirty SMS for a guy to cheer him up
To cheer up your loved one, you don’t have to call him every hour. It is enough to write depraved or vulgar SMS to the guy.
After reading the exciting text, he will immediately want to be next to his chosen one. Candid messages can be written in prose or poetry - it depends on the girl’s imagination.
Note! To lift your mood and not only that, you can reinforce the message with an erotic photograph - it will come in handy during a hard day at work.
The proposed short messages will delight your loved one, he will have a desire to do what is indicated in the text.
Don’t be surprised if the SMS is followed by a call with passionate words:
| SMS | Description |
| Don't worry, I can handle all your wishes | Suitable if the guy should come to visit or when the husband returns home |
| If you need a sex slave, call! | This SMS is optimal at the initial stage of dating, if both partners know why they are meeting |
| I feel very excited. I want to make love with you | Suitable for married women, for girls who are in the role of a bride - a man is unlikely to refuse a tempting offer |
| I'm not in the mood for sex right now, but we can have it quickly and passionately | Suitable as a good night wish if people live separately. The man will immediately want to come visit |
| I want you to hug me under mine light homemade robe | Inviting words will make even a married husband pay attention to his wife |
| I’ll wear any erotic clothes you tell me! | If experiments are constantly happening in a couple, it is worth trying to send this SMS |
| Maybe you want to take my virginity? I'm ready! | The message should be sent after careful consideration of a serious decision |
| There are only thoughts in my head - to lie with you in a warm bed | Suitable for new acquaintances and married couples |
| I want to see, hear and touch you | An ambiguous message will help excite a guy's imagination |
| Rule over me, I want to submit to strong male hands | Characterizes a woman as a passionate lover. Men are crazy about loving ladies |
Carefully select messages if there was a minor quarrel the day before. Romantic correspondence and a delicious dinner combined with lovemaking will help you establish a connection.
Become available to the man you love, then he will be able to appreciate your feelings and continue a long, fascinating conversation in the bedroom.
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