A noisy company is cheerfully making noise and laughing next to one of the houses in Chelyabinsk. It seems that they are having a meeting of classmates or, say, old friends. They smoke, chat, hug. At a quarter to six everyone climbs the steps of a nondescript office on the outskirts. They are alcoholics.
"I saw hell with my own eyes"
"My name is Sasha. “I’m an alcoholic,” one of the company begins the conversation.
“Hello, Sasha,” the others answer in unison, sitting in a circle, like in American films about meetings with psychotherapists.
Sasha is forty years old. He is dressed in a warm jacket, stylish jeans and expensive, but light shoes that are not suitable for winter. Alexander speaks clearly and calmly, as if he is talking about a football match:
“I started working early, by the age of 25 I had almost everything: money, an apartment in the North, a position as a foreman, a car. I got tired, cold, bored, and started drinking out of exhaustion. Then, after a few years, I started drinking heavily, skipped work, and was fired. Then came delirium tremens. I don’t know how many times, maybe 5-6. I do not remember. I coded myself, swore to myself and those around me that I wouldn’t drink anymore, held on for a couple of months, relapsed again, “stitched up”, got hungover. “Delirium tremens” is not the worst thing. It was terrible when they injected me with something, but I still drank. All the muscles began to twist, the pain was such that I drank, drank, drank. I saw hell with my own eyes. I haven't drunk since then. Eleven years. I’m working, my son is growing up.”
“Thank you, I’m sober today.”
I'm Vika. I'm an alcoholic.
Hello, Vika.
A blue-eyed girl of about twenty-five in a pink sweater and branded sweatpants says that she has not drunk for 5 years. By twenty she was an alcoholic and drug addict. It all started like many others: I went to clubs with friends. I couldn’t imagine how you could go out dancing without drinking. They suggested “what would be more interesting”, but she didn’t refuse. Then there was a quarrel with my parents, who kicked me out of the house, two unsuccessful attempts to open my veins, a separation from my loved one, “who doesn’t need a complete drug addict.” Vika came here just like that, because she had nowhere to go and nothing to think about. At first I went to meetings.
But she continued to drink. There is only one law here: if you have drunk today, you can come to the meeting and listen to others, but you yourself cannot speak. “Thank you, I’m sober today,” Victoria ends her story.
“The key word here is ‘today,’” they whisper in my ear. No one promises: I will never drink again. Can you not drink for 24 hours? Certainly can. So do it! And then another 24 hours.
Twelve steps to sobriety
The bell is ringing. This is a symbol for some of a new life, for others - just the beginning of a discussion of another topic. The meeting is led by a pretty curly blonde: “My name is Tanya, I’m an alcoholic. Today we will discuss how to fill the spiritual emptiness.”
“Hello, Tanya,” a harmonious chorus of voices is heard. Tatyana passes a heavy object, shaped like an egg, to Yegor sitting next to him. This is another symbol, the tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous - this is how everyone is given the opportunity to speak, one at a time. You can refuse by passing the stone to a neighbor. Egor says that today he will just listen, and now the stone is already in the hands of a young girl who came from Miass (a city 100 km from Chelyabinsk - editor's note).
This stone is passed from hand to hand, you can talk when you hold it, and then give it to your neighbor. Photo: AiF / Nadezhda Uvarova
“When I stopped drinking, I thought everything would be fine with me right away,” Gulya begins confidently, clutching a ballpoint pen in her hand. Gulya has beautiful long black hair, an expensive phone and a wedding ring on her finger. “But it didn’t get better, it only got worse.” Evening came, I was bored and lonely, there was absolutely nothing to do. Previously, I would have run to the store and bought beer and fish. I gnawed it, drank it, and lo and behold, it’s already morning, but now even that is impossible. I'm still at level four, it's hard for me. The only thing that saves is helping others. When I see that someone needs it, it becomes easier, really. A girl called me today. I persuaded her to come to the meeting the following Monday, she said “yes”, I explained that I was not her mother or her boss, I was just like her, an alcoholic. And that we need to meet and talk.”
Gulya clutches a pen in her hands and leans on the table, she gets nervous when she remembers the past. Photo: AiF / Nadezhda Uvarova
Maria, a participant in the meeting, explains to me the meaning of treatment: the rehabilitation system for alcoholics anonymous is based on 12 steps of recovery. It is impossible to explain them in a few words, but we must understand that it is not tied to either religion or psychology. Although everyone here has their own God and their own system of life values. The last stage is “aerobatics”: “you got out yourself - help someone else.” That’s why they travel at their own expense, without any sponsorship, to correctional colonies. She says, in her opinion, there are 80-90 percent of those convicted as alcoholics. The lion's share. Absolute majority. If I were sober, maybe I wouldn’t steal. And he didn't even kill him.
Wedge with wedge
I'm Vera, I'm an alcoholic.
Hello Vera.
“When I stopped drinking, I was faced with the problem of what to do with myself,” says the young girl Vera. — There was one extreme, I went to the other. I'm obsessed with shopping and beauty. She took out loans and stayed in shops and beauty salons. It seemed to me that since I don’t drink, I should immediately be the most beautiful and expensively dressed. Things brought me nothing except material problems. And I realized that I needed to develop somehow, to live, I went to church, began to look around, it turned out that there were interesting people around, because I was closed in on myself and obsessed with my loneliness. I began to make friends with people, apologize to those I had offended. And I was very surprised that I had not noticed this before: people began to treat me well, they forgave everyone I had offended, they smiled at me, they loved me. Thank you, thanks to you I’m sober today.”
They don’t want to show their faces not because they are ashamed of alcoholism, but because they are afraid of losing their temper, then they will be doubly ashamed. Photo: AiF / Nadezhda Uvarova
The word “former” is not used here
The meeting lasts exactly an hour. The hourglass on the presenter’s desk reminds of this. Each participant speaks for no more than 5 minutes. “Today is my anniversary,” says a middle-aged woman dressed in black, “I haven’t drunk for exactly 7 years and 7 months.”
Everyone congratulates her. Someone kisses you on the cheek, another shakes your hand, and a third simply touches your palm with your fingers.
The word “former” is not used here. They are alcoholics forever. Everyone begins their speech with this statement. And this is another law: admit that you are an alcoholic and that alcoholism is not an addiction, not the fate of the weak, but a disease. And she needs to be treated.
They have no sponsors or leaders. All positions, such as activist and chairman, are elected. There are no entry fees - voluntary donations are collected for various booklets, office rent, tea and coffee with cookies. On the table next to the clock is a box for it. Some people put in fifty rubles, some change, others five hundred.
A donation box, candle, clock and bell are all you need for Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Photo: AiF / Nadezhda Uvarova
What else should we strive for?
I'm Irina, I'm an alcoholic.
Hello Irina.
Irina never had financial problems. This is another category of alcoholics, “middle class” people, wealthy people, managers and owners of companies, practicing doctors, teachers. Those who have achieved a lot in life do not know what else to strive for, they work a lot, get tired, and treat themselves at home with vodka or expensive whiskey.
Irina started drinking with her husband. Her son became interested in drugs. She drank a lot, binge-watched, quit her job, and quarreled with her husband. Then serious health problems began: neurodermatitis, alcoholic hepatosis. At forty she looked sixty. My drinking buddy husband interfered with his drunken conversations, she got behind the wheel, bought vodka at a kiosk to drink, drove away wherever she looked, drank, got into the car and drove home. When my stomach, liver and intestines began to hurt so much that I couldn’t get up without drinking to dull the pain, I admitted to myself: “I’m an alcoholic.”
Irina hasn’t drunk for 8 years, but she tries not to miss meetings: she, like everyone else here, is an alcoholic, not a former alcoholic, but simply not a drinker now, recovered. The husband doesn’t want to help himself, they broke up a long time ago, he continues to drink, no matter how much Irina struggles. But my son is recovering from drug addiction. He's almost healthy. “I understand him,” says the slender, well-groomed woman. “I’m not afraid of drug addicts and I can communicate with them, help them, trust them.”
For leaflets, business cards and booklets, money is collected from everyone who donates how much. Photo: AiF / Nadezhda Uvarova
“Sobriety should be happy”
The presenter points to her watch: the meeting time is over. Everyone stands in a circle. They hold hands and say a prayer. Everyone turns to his own God - the way he sees him himself. Having given up drinking, Irina says, it is difficult to overcome her “ego”: “I indulged myself, I’m bored - I drink, I don’t feel like cleaning - I drink and wash the windows. Sobriety should be happy, otherwise why quit drinking? And that is why everyone needs to find something that is higher and stronger than his ego. According to our system, this is God. We pray, but this has nothing to do with religion as such. Everyone has their own concept of God.”
No one is in a hurry to go home. Everyone goes to the next room, where there is tea, coffee, cookies and disposable mugs. They are talking, someone invites the meeting participants to visit, another asks for help setting up Skype. The girls show off the dresses they bought. Three women are planning a trip tomorrow: the anniversary of the same Society of Alcoholics Anonymous is in Beloretsk, two years of organization, and they are going there, to their friends in Bashkiria, to congratulate. At your own expense, of course.
Elena offered to give me a ride home. She has a new white foreign car and barely noticeable makeup. Elena is an engineer by training, deputy director of a large company. The last ten years. Before that, after the death of her husband, she drank continuously. She worked as a janitor and ate what she found in garbage dumps. She says that’s why she went to work, drunk, just to have the opportunity to collect bottles and cans for vodka or alcohol. At work, the past is not hidden, but it is not advertised either. Lives with his mother, doesn't drink at all. Not for New Years, not for birthdays. No champagne, no wine. This is another law - do not drink a single gram of alcohol.
The office walls are decorated with paintings of nature. Photo: AiF / Nadezhda Uvarova
“Come to us again,” we say goodbye to Elena. “We’re not talking about drunkenness, but about life in general.”
Surprisingly, this is true. I didn’t hear any advice on how not to drink, how to stop, gathering my willpower into a fist. “It’s like a club,” Elena laughs, “of friends in misfortune who have survived hell. Drunkenness is a global problem; people in the country are drinking alcohol in factories. After all, even narcologists come to us and treat themselves for alcoholism, having lost faith in traditional medicine. There is no difference here between an oligarch and a hard worker. Although not everyone recovers: you have to really want to be cured.”
In Kyrgyzstan, the Society of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has existed since 1996: experienced alcoholics who have quit drinking help others to quit. During this time, activists saved many Kyrgyzstanis; some of them have not drunk alcohol for 20 years.
Recently, the community has opened a women's group of Alcoholics Anonymous, where participants can discuss purely “female” topics that cannot be raised at a general meeting. Several program participants who have embarked on the path to recovery shared their stories.
Names have been changed.
Ainagul
I started drinking a long time ago, but recently - over the 10 years since I started doing business - alcohol has become more accessible to me. In the sense that I could not go to work: no one controls me, I don’t have to report to anyone. Complete freedom of action. The business was going well, before that I also held a good position, and everything was easy. I had a chain of stores, which I then closed one by one, because the sellers saw that I was away from work for two or three days. I drink for two days, dry out for two days.
And about three years ago I felt so bad that I started vomiting, I sat with a basin for two days and asked my daughter to take me to a narcology clinic. I showed her the way myself.
The first time it was hell for me (and the subsequent times too). This is a closed room, bars, a hospital...
For me it was all terribly difficult and scary. I then said that I would never set foot here again. However, one woman told me that whoever gets here once will get there a second time. I laughed even then. I argued with the doctors and swore. The doctor told me that he wouldn’t let me go because I was nervous, although I arrived sober. The doctor was afraid that I would go out and get drunk again. Besides, I yelled that if I wanted, I’d buy myself a carload of vodka. This was my first experience in drug treatment.
Then you could set the clock on me: every three to four months I ended up there. And even though I was there for a couple of days, because they took me there as soon as they smelled alcohol, I begged the doctors to help me. I sobbed, crawled on my knees, because I was stupidly tired of coming there, being closed, not sleeping... All this is hard. I tried going to the mosque, went to healers. Nothing helped.
I once realized that I lack communication. I was in the hospital. And there is nothing to do there except share the stories of your life with other women, your experience of drinking alcohol. I then came to the hospital already sober with some sweets and just talked. I understood: what helps me is that I share with them, and they with me.
I had never heard anything about the Alcoholics Anonymous group. And at my last breakdown, when I was hospitalized again, I saw an AA business card on a very young girl. This was my last hope, because I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t see a way out. I copied the phone numbers. I remember at the very first meeting I realized that I was in the right place. True, I didn’t understand why everyone was smiling, everyone was happy and joyful, because I was a little scared. And it seemed to me that I knew them all. I came up and asked: “Did we study together? Did we work?” Then they explained to me that we are just kindred spirits.
I am grateful that such a community exists. And that we get sober without any detoxes or medications, we live, we rejoice.
Suusar
I started drinking at the age of 14. My dad is an alcoholic. Later, my mother started drinking. I tried alcohol for the first time with my classmates. And off we go. At first I used it little by little. Then during my student years I drank. And I already started having problems with alcohol. I didn’t understand this before the community. I was surrounded by alcoholics and drug addicts. And I didn’t understand why my mother scolded me: “This friend of yours is not good. Don’t be friends with her.” Now I understand that I attracted such people to myself.
As a result, I married an alcoholic.
He is terribly stubborn and selfish. I gave birth to two children from him. They are the same age. The second child cried all the time after birth, and the husband left home. Then it turned out that he started cheating on me when I was pregnant. When I found out, I separated from my husband. Because of this, I started drinking even more. The child was sick. Then he fell into a coma. He was treated.
Then my mother told me: “Go look for a job,” and I came to Bishkek. There was alcohol here again. I was fired from my job. Then I went to Moscow to earn money. On the very first day I arrived, a friend offered to drink for the meeting. I said: “No, I won’t have vodka. You can have beer.” There I began to become a beer alcoholic.
In 2013, through a friend, I got a job. I also drank there and was late. The CEO came up to me and asked what happened to me. I admitted that I have problems with alcohol. The person turned out to be from a parallel community of drug users. At first he didn’t confess to me, he just asked: “Do you want to become happy? You need to stop this. You are a good woman. I will bring you to a place where they will teach you.” That's how I got into the AA community.
At the first meeting I felt like I belonged. I cried, everyone supported me, told me how to stay sober. So I started going to the group and found a mentor. But nothing worked for me. I went to the program for a month or two. The longest period of sobriety I had was six months and 9 days. It’s hard for me to accept certain situations and people, and then I move away from the program and go drinking as usual.
The last breakdown was due to the fact that my son got sick. And I couldn't handle it.
Angelina
How did I become an alcoholic? At my sister’s birthday party, I drank three glasses of champagne, became pathologically intoxicated, and I trashed the house. When I woke up in the morning joyful, happy and free, then it was already clear that oops, this person was somehow inadequate - an abnormal reaction to alcohol.
I turned to narcologists for the first time when I was 20 years old. The paradox of my illness is that if people stop after drinking a little, then I need to get drunk in the trash. And this is the first sign of chronic alcoholism. Although my family didn’t drink alcohol, there weren’t even feasts, but somewhere genetics kicked in. That is, this is a feature of my body, such a reaction to alcohol. Just as people are allergic to certain things, I have something like this. I have a full-fledged family and all that, but I got 100 grams and that’s it.
I started visiting drug treatment specialists. I thought I wasn't an alcoholic. I just wanted to be “taught how to drink.”
If we take it in total, then I have 20 years of use, but all attempts at recovery were games. You go to psychoanalysis, Gestalt therapy, Mama Mia, there was a bunch of everything. You study psychology. And alcoholism has progressed and continues to progress. It’s one thing when you get up from a hangover and go to work, it’s another thing when you can’t even sign a paper.
You see that you are losing your appearance. Life begins to adapt to consumption.
It became clear that alcohol prevails over all life and family values. Binges became difficult, the only way out was through a drip. Endless appeals to narcologists, but no answers. But something needs to be done, because the evolution of alcoholism continues. Fortunately, I always had support from my family, otherwise I would have been in the trash a long time ago.
I was on the verge of death. And as a rule, after this you begin to seek God.
I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous group. In general, a paradox happened in my life, because the beginning of my activity was connected with the rehabilitation of drug addicts. The guys were also in the 12-step program, and we helped those who were in remission with documents and legal issues. And it so happened that during the day we saved drug addicts, and in the evening in taverns we evolved as alcoholics.
What is the paradox? I have known about the 12 step program my entire life. But there was a lot of arrogance: they are drug users, and we are the elite. And I didn’t understand then that my career ladder also goes along the lines of addiction.
It seemed like addiction would never touch me.
Knowing that the program gives 75% of results in the group of anonymous alcoholics and only 35% in the group of drug addicts, I stubbornly did not go, because “there will be a doctor, there will be a psychotherapist.” And there, they say, how can they help me? It turns out they help. Here you really learn to change your views and lifestyle.
And there is one more trick here: an alcoholic can deceive anyone (we are professional manipulators), but an alcoholic will never deceive another alcoholic. We sense each other a mile away. And when you see that a person is heading towards a breakdown, then the best psychotherapy works here. We read the person, help him. We cannot identify ourselves with a narcologist; he does not know our pains of drug use.
When you apply the principles that are in the program, recovery occurs. The whole program is summed up in four words: “Find God or die.”
There have been breakdowns in my history. When such things happen, you need to work on half measures and look for some problems within yourself. What do alcoholics usually do? They are looking for guilty people on the side.
The 12-step recovery program, as I said, changes the consciousness of an alcoholic. We all have several sides of the disease: this is physical - a sick brain: it is not entirely complete, because some people can drink a glass and stop there, but an alcoholic is no longer there. Our body also reacts abnormally to alcohol. If an ordinary person overdoses and feels sick, then this is not enough for an alcoholic: the higher the dose increases, the more tolerance increases.
But the biggest problem that the 12 Step program works on is spiritual illness. There is some kind of hole in the soul that everyone develops in their own way, and so the alcoholic tries to fill it with booze. Completing the program and working with a mentor teaches a person to be happy here and now, without looking for any sources of pleasure from the outside. And focus on your spiritual life and on being useful to others.
And it’s good when you have someone to turn to who can help you. AA works all over the world without interruption.
Contacts of the company in Bishkek: 0708 54 22 65, 0555 15 91 51.
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Sad statistics say that after trying a drug once, a person does not stop. The environment, medications and doses change, suicide attempts and overdoses occur, treatment in hospitals and work with a psychologist, several normal years and a breakdown again.
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Chronic alcoholism is an incurable disease, but some people manage to achieve stable remission and stop drinking alcohol. Others gradually descend down the social ladder until they finally degenerate. Most addicts make attempts to quit drinking alcohol, which are not always successful. For those who are used to going on a long binge, the stories of alcoholics can give them the impetus to quit drinking as soon as possible.
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“When I was miserably kicked out of my next job, I realized that I had to do something. I am quite mature enough not to drink. I wanted to quit drinking: there was no longer any doubt, I admitted that I was an alcoholic.
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I was born in Minsk into a prosperous family. None of the relatives suffered from alcoholism, much less drug addiction. For the first 4 years at school I was the best student in my class. I remember well that I read more than 100 words per minute in first grade! But my behavior was always unimportant: I wanted to express myself, to assert my superiority.
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My childhood was almost no different from the childhood of my peers. The only difference that I would highlight is that since childhood I have seen the negativity that drinking alcohol brings into a person’s life. My father, and later my older brother, were alcoholics.
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I started using drugs at the age of 24, when I was in college. There were no prerequisites for this: I could boast of excellent friends, a good job. During my senior year, I made a friend who used heroin. At our first meeting, she, of course, did not tell me about this, and I found out that she was a drug addict about two months later. The friend did not use it intravenously, but smoked it. At that moment, there was too much on my shoulders, and I was tired. I lived far from my relatives, supported myself financially, studied and worked. Plus for some reason I was tormented by a feeling of loneliness. And when a friend lit heroin in front of me, I also wanted to try it. She seemed so cheerful, calm, carefree to me, looking at her, I decided that the drug would help get rid of problems and feelings of isolation. And this was the first time I tried it.
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Yulia Ulyanova was an alcoholic for 14 years. She told Afisha Daily about how people actually become alcohol addicts, whether it is possible to completely stop drinking, and why it is most difficult to forgive yourself.
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Hello. My story began in the fall of 2009. At this time, my husband became addicted to drugs, but I didn’t know it yet. At that time we had been married for 7 years. The relationship began to deteriorate, there were frequent quarrels, scandals, I thought that he had stopped loving me. At the end of winter, he started having problems at work. He had his own cafe and his landlords kicked him out. At the beginning of March, he said that he wanted to go to a sanatorium for a week, that he was losing his nerves, and at the clinic where he was being seen, the therapist gave him the address of some sanatorium. And at one fine moment my husband came, packed his things and left for the sanatorium. He said he would be back in a week. To say that I was shocked is to say nothing. At this time, it was necessary to remove all equipment from the cafe. In response to my requests to wait and go to bed later, he said that this was more important to him. When he arrived at the sanatorium, he called and said that everything was fine, he had arrived and was going to bed. I couldn’t reach him all week; the phone was turned off. I was all on edge, I didn’t understand what was happening. During this week I called all my relatives and friends, no one knew where exactly he went. I went to the clinic to find out which doctor was and where he was referred. I was told that the last time he was in the clinic was in early January. All that was left was to wait. He arrived joyful and satisfied on Sunday evening. I no longer had the strength or desire to find out anything, to understand anything, I did not want to tolerate such an attitude. When I asked him to get out of my life, he was very surprised. Within a week, he packed his things and moved in with his parents.
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I want to tell you about my love affair with alcohol. Thanks to him, my third marriage is collapsing!!!)) My first husband and I drank together, we drank only beer, we didn’t look at the temperature. Five seven liters on weekends and 3-4 liters on weekdays. We lived for 10 years and somehow we managed to stop at the end of the marriage, or rather, I almost succeeded. I quit and my husband still drank two liters every day, but in a smaller dose. And then my friend arrives from Moscow and ... I went into a break. Result: fight with husband, hysteria and divorce.
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The first day of autumn in Bitsevsky Park. An edge with a barbecue, laid tables, but no alcohol. A DJ plays trendy music for two hundred guests. Everyone who wanders into the light is given a wooden keychain with “17 NA” burned into it. There is no conspiracy theory - this is the logo of the group “Semnashka” (from drug hospital No. 17, where, in fact, meetings are held) of the international community “Narcotics Anonymous” (NA). The forest banquet was held in honor of the fourth anniversary of the group's creation. The Izvestia correspondent came here to talk with a drug addict who quit more than two years ago. Mikhail, a cheerful, cheerful man of about 50 years old, smiles widely. The only thing that gives him away as a former drug addict is his slightly reddish, as if inflamed, hands. The eyes are clear, open, alive. He told Izvestia his story very frankly. He did this with one goal - to convey to those who are now suffering from addiction that it is possible to get out of this hell. In Narcotics Anonymous, which helped Michael stay alive, this is called “bringing the message of recovery.” (The specifics of the interlocutor’s speech style are preserved.)
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The first time I tried alcohol was when I was 13. I think it was beer. My classmate and I bought two bottles with our pocket money and drank them right on the embankment. We were very exhausted in the sun, and we barely made it home (we didn’t have a few rubles left for the tram). I can’t say that I liked this experience, but I was left with a feeling of my own adulthood and coolness: this is what I am, buying beer for myself.
Involuntarily we started talking about wives. We got a little sad. One of my guests, a bachelor who had gone a little overboard, winked at me slyly and said that, of course, my wife was not wasting her time now.
I wasn’t even offended by him, I didn’t try to convince him, I looked down at him and thought: “Well, can you even imagine a woman like Olga! Oddball! She’s Solveig!” The guests left late. And the next morning I woke up a little thawed and renewed. And work began again.
At the end of April, the scientific supervisor called me to Moscow. I didn’t even have time to send a telegram home.
My wife greeted me with joyful exclamations and immediately began calling friends, shouting into the phone: “Our dad has arrived! The folder has arrived! In her joy, I did not then see any falsehood, which began to appear to me later, in retrospect.
The son was visiting his grandmother. We immediately went there. Four days, until April 29, were the happiest in our family life. Every evening we went to the theater, during the day we walked with our son. No dinners were prepared at home in order to save more time for entertainment. We ate at the restaurant.
On the evening of April 29, I went to see my friend. My wife flatly refused to go with me, no matter how much I tried to persuade her. She began to convince me that she urgently needed to iron her clothes.
Without the slightest suspicion or any premonitions, I left, warning my wife that I would be visiting until twelve at night.
We had a lot in common with this friend, and everyone had something to tell about their lives over the past six months. But at about nine o’clock I suddenly wanted to return to Olga. I walked the path from Razgulay to my lane near the Kirovskaya metro station, thinking about my wife, about my son, and with bitterness about the upcoming separation from them.
Twenty minutes later I was already home. My wife stood in the middle of the room in a light coat and looked at me with fear. My early return clearly took her by surprise.
I walked.
“Why such confusion? Is he really cheating? - I thought. - No, it can’t be! It seemed to me. I went crazy during six months of loneliness and became an insane jealous person. Can't be!"
Where were you walking?
Along Stopani Lane! And what?
"And what?" - she said firmly, but with some kind of excessive firmness.
Suddenly I felt very tired, weakened and lay down on the sofa in my coat.
Along Stopan to the Garden Ring and back?
“It’s not true,” I thought. “Stopani Lane is blocked by a fence with a locked gate. She couldn’t walk along it to the Garden Ring.”
“I’ll go for a walk,” I said. And he went outside. And he almost ran towards this fence. The gates, contrary to usual, were open. And how could I suspect Olga of something? Hurry up and ask for forgiveness!
However, when I arrived home, instead of apologizing, I unexpectedly shouted out to myself:
And the gates are locked! You couldn't walk along Stopani!
Olga looked at me confused and muttered:
No, I didn’t walk along Stopan at all!
Then it turns out you were just walking in the park? Did you want to go along Stopani, but ran into a locked gate and therefore stayed in the park?
Well, of course!
Let's go for a walk together!
No. I'll sit at home.
Almost by force, I pulled my wife out into the street, and we went to the park. I watched the expression on Olga’s face and saw how intensely she peered into the twilight, looking at the gate to which we were approaching.
The gates are open, open! I was joking!
Olga was silent. We turned into a dark alley.
I don't remember how I got home. I only remember that upon entering the room, I threw myself on the sofa and began shouting:
Why live? Why live now!
This won't happen anymore. I wanted to end this!
And that's why you went to him?
And I got up from the sofa and hit Olga...
Everything that happened to Gleb Lusarov on the evening of April 29 in the following days is called reactive psychosis in our psychiatry. This is a painful condition that occurs in response to some difficult situation, which, however, almost always passes over time almost without a trace. But in the acute period, such a patient can do the most unexpected things, and, of course, it is better to admit him to a psychiatric hospital and undergo a course of treatment under the strictest supervision.
The stronger the character, the stronger the personality, the easier a person endures any adversity and trauma. Lusarov was unable to cope with the situation, lost control of himself and found nothing better than to try to find solace in wine.
Yes, of course, alcohol usually improves your mood at first. But the fact is that this gaiety is abnormal, superficial. The fun of a drunk is unhealthy and short-term fun. If we talk about the heavy thoughts that preceded drinking alcohol, then these thoughts in intoxication always take on an even darker shade. There is no consolation in wine!
What about ideas of jealousy? They constantly accompany alcoholism. This has long been noticed by many psychiatrists. Without any reason, the drunkard reproaches his wife for imaginary infidelities, rudely insults her, or even resorts to aggressive actions. Primitive suspicion gives way to absurd conclusions and actions.
“Today you combed your hair differently than usual,” such an alcoholic may say to his wife, “this is a sign to men that I’m working this evening and you would like to have some fun!”
A patient with alcoholic delusions of jealousy spies on his wife, watches her after work, raises a scandal if she is delayed for a few minutes in the store. Aggressive actions of such a patient become more and more frequent and dangerous. Alcoholic delirium of jealousy is a direct indication for urgent hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital.
Gleb Lusarov's attempt to find peace in wine turned out to be fatal.
And finally, it should be noted that people who abuse alcohol and smoke often experience headaches, accompanied by increased irritability, decreased memory, and impaired functioning of the cardiovascular system.
In all these cases, treatment tactics and preventive measures, of course, will be different. And only a doctor can give the right advice.
Under no circumstances should you self-medicate. Systematic and long-term use of a drug such as Pyramidone is harmful. By the way, any painkiller can only temporarily relieve the condition without affecting the cause of the headache.
So, there are many reasons for headaches. Among them there are many that are easy to eliminate. Let us recall that a correct hygienic regime: a reasonable alternation of work and rest, normal sleep, good nutrition, and physical exercise is an indispensable condition for preventing a number of painful manifestations, and in particular headaches. Don't neglect these tips!
Good morning, afternoon or evening! I won't introduce myself. Perhaps there are other women who find themselves in a similar life situation.
I lived with my husband for 19 years and 11 months. A month before our anniversary, he left me. The daughters already have their own families and live separately. At 42 she became a divorcee. It seemed to me that if you lived with a person for half your life, then it means something... It turned out that it doesn’t mean a damn thing. And what really brought me down was not even the fact that my husband left for someone else... He left me. He didn’t have a mistress, and even now he’s not dating anyone - he lives alone.
I began to drink myself to death from stress and a good life. I never counted money. And I started drinking... Hell, I don’t even remember when I started drinking. Sometimes it seems to me that I have always taken a drop on my breast. For the last two years I've been drinking a bottle of semi-sweet or sweet.
My wife doesn't drink. How many times have I asked why she doesn’t drink alcohol... She laughs it off: she either has a headache or feels bad. Well, he doesn’t drink - and that’s fine! So it’s necessary. But the problem is that I met my wife when she was a little under the weather. So he still drinks sometimes!
It’s crazy to write to the site in the hope that they will help me, but so far I don’t see any other way out. And my situation is just... crazy.
The wife began to drink too much. The drinking started about 3 years ago. From time to time my wife brought a bottle of semi-sweet wine. We could have wine with her once a month at evening dinner. We cooked something meat, pasta or potatoes. For us, such evenings were something like therapy. We poured out our souls to each other. Usually such evenings ended in the bedroom.
I am 34 years old, I have two children: a 3-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son. In July I started dating a woman from work. She is 29 years old. In general, very positive, well-read, beautiful. Hands grow from the right place: it can create incredible comfort in the house and keep it clean. It cooks very well. A real smart girl, if not for problems with alcohol.