Do lovers feel love without words? Infatuation and love. Video about true love and infatuation

Eleonora Brik

Love and infatuation are two feelings that are similar in internal sensations, which a person himself confuses, act under enemy flags and defend competing interests.

The debate about love and infatuation has continued through the centuries. An eternal topic that touches and touches the heart of old and young, man and woman, only children before puberty do not talk about it. Every person has something to say about this. A subject who has experienced the first experience of falling in love already considers himself a psychologist. Therefore, every article, book and even separate classification that tries to reveal the nature of love and infatuation arouses keen interest among the reading public. So let's get started.

When we talk about falling in love, we assume:

Instinct, spontaneity. A person captured by strong emotions hypnotizes himself with subjective experiences, he bathes in them, enjoys them.
Egocentrism. A person is occupied only with personal needs. He doesn't care about his partner. Another person is the key that opens the door of the gates of heaven.
The prevailing attitude in perception is “ I want" When a person is captivated by love, he remains hostage to erotic and sexual dreams and hopes for their speedy realization. The only thing he wants is to take possession of the object of desire.

Love creates a natural opposition to being in love and includes the following qualities:

Reasonableness(with some degree of madness). Despite the rationality and lightness of the feeling of love, without passion it would be dry and insipid. In the normal course of events, a flower of love appears from the bud of love, this is the “crazy element” mentioned above. In love, the mind takes control of the dark element, which has already weakened. Nobody burns forever.
Altruism. When emotions subside, priorities change. A loving person first of all cares about his partner, puts his needs and interests above his desires.
Love is not given from above, it is gained through hard daily work. Spontaneously, a person receives only the “blueprint” of a great and pure feeling - falling in love. A passing infatuation will turn into a serious attachment if two people make the maximum effort.

Love and infatuation are disguised as one another, taking advantage of the fact that they look alike, like sisters. The question arises, how to recognize them? More on this later.

What is the difference between love and infatuation? Visible signs

The natural characteristics of love and infatuation given above are abstract and insufficient for a clear understanding of the feelings that reign in a person. They need clarification.

So, love is characterized by such qualities as:

Exaltation. Every minute a person experiences a state akin to mystical ecstasy. Perception is exposed like a live wire, the person is harsh, impetuous and anxious at the same time.
Romanticization object of desire, i.e. the latter has no disadvantages, only advantages.
Excessive requirements and expectations towards a partner and life.
Fantastic emotional level at the initial stage and rapid in the process. Falling in love lasts three years, as both scientists and writers say.
Falling in love is a sin one-sidedness: one person loves, and the other does not.
Falling in love intensely distorts a person's perception. He cannot think soberly and assess the situation sensibly.

Love is the opposite of falling in love; its manifestations are not difficult to recognize.

Love endures test of time and difficulties. There is no place for mystical revelations and exaltation, but love fuels a person’s life and does not act on him like a drug.
Love is mutual feeling.
Gradually gaining strength and dies very slowly.
Does not distort human perception, doesn't take away his mind.

From the characteristics given above, each person’s personal answer to the question is formed, what is the difference between love and being in love? It remains to consider only the paths, the ways in which love and infatuation come to people.

The first triad “friendship-crush-love”

These three phenomena of the human world are adjacent, flowing into one another. , according to one of the scenarios, transforms into falling in love, and then, opening up, turns into love. The main thing is that the views of both parties on the development of relations coincide, and it does not happen that one person wants love, and the other wants only friendship.

Falling in love is the basis for the degeneration of friendship into love, since it contains passion in its composition. Without at least temporary insanity, love is impossible. But practice shows: human relationships are a fragile substance; they can freeze in any element of the triad “friendship-infatuation-love” forever or suddenly cease to exist.

The second triad “love-infatuation-passion”

From the previous comparison of the characteristics of love and falling in love, it is clear that in the normal course of events, love arises on the basis of passion and falling in love. When people finish the period of erotic intoxication with each other, they have time to look at their partner with an unclouded gaze and understand whether there is something in common between them, not only in a sexual, but also in a human sense, and also to realize what it was: love , love, passion? The answer to the question determines the strategy and direction of the relationship, its prospects.

Fundamental difference between love and infatuation

Love differs from falling in love in that one is manifested in small things and is consistent in behavior, while the other is overly frank.

In everyday life, it is difficult to recognize obvious signs of happiness in spouses who have lived together for 25 years. The satisfaction of such couples is nourished from an internal source, which is invisible to the eyes of an outsider.

And if you look at a young man or an old man in love, the “clinical picture” of the disease is clear in the palm of your hand. Why is there such a difference between love and infatuation? Because the mind is hidden and madness is obvious.

January 11, 2014, 10:47 pm

Many people are interested in what is the difference between love and falling in love? This question occupies the minds of boys and girls who dream of finding their happiness. The majority are not at all able to recognize the difference between these concepts, to see the significant difference. It seems to them that they can easily put an equal sign and not think about it for too long. Meanwhile, the difference between love and falling in love is as huge and significant as between great happiness and fleeting joy that passes after a moment. How to distinguish love from infatuation? Let's take a closer look.

Characteristics of being in love

The psychology of falling in love differs significantly from the concept of love. Viktor Dobroslavovich in his book “Love or falling in love is a fatal mistake!” emphasizes the idea of how often people are mistaken, mistaking simple physical attraction for the power of a genuine spiritual feeling. He provides important postulates in the text that allow us to understand how to distinguish one from the other. The truth will definitely be revealed to the attentive reader. It is only important to really learn to be honest with yourself, then it will not be difficult to distinguish love from infatuation.

Instantaneity

When a person falls in love, it happens suddenly. Just this morning he didn’t think about anything, and in the evening, seeing a charming creature of the opposite sex, he notices visible changes in his consciousness. This state resembles alcohol intoxication. The personality ceases to control himself and often begins to do stupid things. A single moment allows you to fall in love with someone, but not know their inner world. And how many touching romantic stories have been written on this topic!

Creating an Illusion

Being in a state of love, a person is not able to see the shortcomings of his chosen one. He generally prefers not to notice anything, and this is his conscious choice: this is how all the charm of experiencing a feeling is felt, which adds some zest to the sensations.

The lover soars in the clouds, closes his eyes to all the little things that seem unimportant to him. A man has a desire to perform feats in the name of his lady, because he wants to win her heart. Women are beginning to take more care of their appearance.

Self-focus

When in love, a person enjoys individual sensations. He has a desire to take in order to feed his own energy. A person does not love someone specific, but his own idea of love, which was created from numerous fantasies.

Many people go even further: they paint an image of their partner in the colors in which they want to see him, and not at all what he is like in reality. Few people realize that they are engaged in self-deception only when a huge veil covering everything falls from their eyes.

Jealousy and rivalry

These are two important criteria that necessarily indicate that the feeling is not genuine. Relationships often contain quarrels and misunderstandings, dictated by the need for each partner to defend their interests. They actually compete: each strives to get ahead of the other, to take a strong leading position.

Characteristics of true love

People dream of meeting true love. It seems to them like some great miracle from a fairy tale. Meanwhile, few realize that loving a person is actually a great work. This is not only cloudless happiness and joy. The difference is so significant that not everyone will be able to determine it.

Accepting your partner's shortcomings

What feeling can be considered genuine? There is a tangible difference between infatuation and love. It happens that bright enthusiasm turns into something more serious. The depth of feeling can transform and develop into true spiritual intimacy. However, this requires a certain maturity of partners, and not complete absorption in appearance. Love implies acceptance of all the characteristics of a partner, with any of his shortcomings. Even if the other half does something wrong, thoughtlessly, this in no way detracts from true feelings.

Partner focus

Love does not feed on illusions. There is no place for deception, falsehood, or betrayal. Genuine feeling is always directed towards the partner, aimed at his condition. A loving person thinks, first of all, not about himself, but about his chosen one. In order to make another happy, he is ready to overcome any obstacles. A loving person is open to communication. That is why existing problems are not hushed up, but are resolved on the spot, literally immediately after discovery. Someone who truly loves turns into an altruist - he is ready to give his life for the well-being of his partner.

Equality

In love, there is no need to compete with each other, to prove your importance to the chosen one. When two people are in love, they compete and compare individual achievements. Loving people simply share the beauty of their souls with each other. They know that they feel good together, their feelings are constant. A union of loving hearts always presupposes equality.

Willingness to give

When falling in love develops into love, a person has a desire to give, to be useful to his other half. In this case, we can say that people really found each other. In such a union, a person is mentally cleansed, becomes better and stronger.

Takes time

You can't fall in love in one day, you can only fall in love and lose your head. In love, a person opens up, he has a different vision of current events, and a special meaning of life is revealed. To turn an immature feeling into love, you need to let it germinate, fill with divine light and wisdom. Everything should happen naturally; it is unacceptable to rush things here.

Thus, the difference between love and being in love is actually huge. Love can live forever, but falling in love has its term - as long as passion lives and mutual attraction exists. Everyone falls in love at least once in their life. Love ennobles and is the destiny of the elect.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 17 minutes

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Almost all songs, films, poems and books are based on true love. This feeling is glorified by poets and depicted by artists at all times. True, true love is often confused with another feeling - falling in love.

How to figure out whether your feeling is real, and how to distinguish it from passions, love or affection?

What attracts and excites you most about a person?

Love. As a rule, in this case, you are most concerned about the physical characteristics of your partner - the relief of the figure, eyes, stature, slanting fathoms in the shoulders, courageous face, etc.

Love. You are concerned about your partner's personality as a whole. Physical attraction and craving for a person is present, but only in conjunction with the personal characteristics and qualities of the partner. True love is the perception at all levels of all human qualities. You are concerned about his slight stubble, his strong back, his manner of drinking coffee in the morning and communicating with colleagues, paying in the store and whittling wooden figures on the balcony - everything, without exception.

What qualities attract you in a partner?

Love. In this state, the number of qualities in your partner that you admire is very limited. Perhaps they have such an effect on you that the ground disappears from under your feet, but these “dizzying factors” are limited to a charming smile, gait or, for example, the aroma of perfume.

Love. True love is when you love not only “every crack” in a person , mole and bulge, but also all his qualities, sides and actions (admiring the good ones, and condescendingly making fun of the not so positive ones). Any minus of a loved one immediately turns into a plus or is simply perceived as a fact and accepted as is.

The beginning of your romance

Love. The feeling flares up instantly - from a casual glance, a touch of the hand, a short dialogue, and even a chance meeting, for example, in the company of friends. Similar to obsession. Once lit with a match from one smile of a partner, the feeling can also quickly go out from the wind of change, as soon as the person’s character is revealed.

Real love. It always comes gradually. It takes time to understand, realize and fully accept a person. It is impossible to love with all your heart a person you know nothing about. You can, of course, deceive yourself - “I love him, and that’s all, no matter what he is,” but true love always requires the test of time.

Consistent interest in a partner

Love. With this feeling, interest in your partner either burns with a hot flame, or subsides for days, or even weeks. There is only one reason - falling in love does not have deep roots of feeling, it is superficial, and there is nothing underneath that would fuel permanent interest in a person.

Real love. It never stops. Not a day (or sometimes even an hour) goes by that you don't think about your partner. You constantly want to see him, be near him, hear his voice. And if, when you are in love, separation is easily tolerated, then for a truly loving person, even separation for a day is unbearable.

The influence of feelings on your personality

Love. Primitive infatuation with a partner (a proven fact) is disorganizing. It relaxes, reduces concentration, and crowds out rational thinking. Falling in love is known for its spontaneity of actions and romantic flair, behind which, in most cases, only illusions are hidden.

Real love. Genuine deep feeling is a creative phenomenon. A loving person strives for self-improvement, succeeds in everything, “moves mountains” and “wades” the sea, showing his most positive sides and fiercely fighting the negative ones.

Attitude towards other people

Love. "To hell with all of it! There is only him” - in short. Everything fades into the background, friends and parents “understand nothing in this life,” strangers interfere, things don’t matter. You do not control the feeling, but the feeling controls you. All the values by which you lived have lost their meaning, you firmly believe that you can do anything, because you have a good reason, and apart from this feeling, nothing else matters. Result: friends “break away” and disappear, relationships with parents deteriorate, problems begin at work. But that’s later, but for now love rules the roost.

Real love. Of course, he, beloved and dear, is the most important in this world. But you will not put him above your parents. You will not leave friends on the margins of your life. You will find time for everyone, because true love has settled in your big heart, which will be abundantly enough for the whole world. Your love gives you wings to develop relationships with the outside world, and illuminates the path to prospects.

What others think about your relationship

Love. Most friends and acquaintances, as well as relatives (and especially parents) do not approve of your relationship. Blinded by feeling, a woman does not want to see shortcomings and even obvious vices, idealizing the object of her passion. From the outside, however, you always know better. And if every second person asks you to change your mind or at least take your time, it makes sense to stop for a minute and cool your head - perhaps insight will come to you before disappointment.

Real love. If the feeling is really deep, and decisions are made seriously, carefully and from a sober position, people around you do not resist or try to impose their opinion. Either they simply approve of your choice, or they are clearly aware that your love will only grow stronger, despite everything. Read also:

Breakups and feelings

Love. For an infatuated woman, 1-3 months are enough to completely “cure” from being in love. Physiological longing for a partner lasts a maximum of 3 months, after which thoughts come about separation, the meaninglessness of relationships and the fact that that blue-eyed handsome guy in the next office is really nothing.

Real love. This feeling is not hindered by either distance or time. Those who truly love each other do not break the connecting threads even after thousands of kilometers and years later. They will text each other, communicate via Skype, write long letters the old fashioned way and get bored, bored, bored... Waiting for the doorbell to ring. Because true love is when your partner becomes a part of you, and two souls are intertwined so tightly that they can no longer exist separately.

Feelings and quarrels

Love. The more time passes from the day they met, the stronger and more serious the quarrels become. Why? But because under love there is only emptiness. There is no spiritual connection, no common themes, no basis on which strong alliances are created. As a result, after a while it turns out that you don’t even have anything to talk about, and scandals somehow “diversify” the relationship. Read also:

Real love. A deep sense of disagreement is not a hindrance. On the contrary, they strengthen relationships that are initially built on mutual understanding and the search for compromise. Love means giving in to each other. And a disagreement in a strong union will never affect the relationship itself. So, for example, a husband and wife, who have lived side by side for many years, can quarrel to smithereens while wallpapering and immediately sit down to drink tea, laughing and making fun of each other. Whereas a girl “in love” can “send to hell” her partner just because he bought a bed of the wrong system.

Your view of your relationship

Love. You two are separate individuals. “I-he”, “mine-his”, etc. In your relationship, other than passion, there is practically nothing in common. The words “we” are not about you; it is not even in the lexicon of your relationship. You can easily go on vacation without him, have dinner without waiting for him to get home from work, or fly to your girlfriend in Italy when he needs your moral support.

True love begins with the word "we". Because you are two halves of one whole, and even each individually you perceive each other only as “we”, “us”, “us”. You are not burdened by a vacation spent together or even working together; you have dinner, huddled under one blanket in front of the TV, and stir sugar in a cup for him while he cuts sausage for your sandwich.

The modern world tends to call all positive emotions towards a person of the opposite sex love. Be it attraction, sympathy or friendship. Let's try to figure out what love and infatuation are. What is the psychology of a loving person and a person in love and how to distinguish between these two feelings.

Signs of love

Of course, these two feelings are very similar to each other. Without love, real feelings cannot arise. Love is a long process that requires daily work on yourself and on relationships. To fall in love you need to know a person well, his character and habits.

Real feelings are characterized by the following signs:

Absolute confidence in the chosen one. If there is even the slightest doubt about his person or future life, this is no longer the same. A loving person declares with absolute confidence that he sees himself married to a partner. And in 50-100 years too.
Confusion when asked “Why do you love him?” Love cannot be for something. People don't like you for having beautiful hands and hair. They love him because he is the best, the one and only.
Forgetting the fact that there are other members of the opposite sex on this planet. A loved one is ideal by default, and, therefore, there are simply no others who are not ideal.
Next to your loved one you feel in your place. In complete safety and absolute comfort. “There are people whom you hug and understand - you are home.”
Daily work on yourself and relationships. Moreover, it must come from both participants in the process. If every day you wake up to become better for your chosen one, that's love.
Forgiveness. Accumulating grievances is a negative quality. It's only . But a truly loving person knows how to forgive and move on.
Teamwork skill. You and your significant other do everything well together, understand and complement each other perfectly. For example, renovation. Those who can make repairs together and not separate have passed the test of the strength of the relationship.
You feel good together, even if you just remain silent. Being an excellent conversationalist is, of course, good. But, if in moments of silence you feel uncomfortable in the company of this person, do not deceive yourself.
The desire to divide everything in half. Not only happiness, but also problems, and so on.

Remember the words of the great Stanislavsky when he was asked what it means to love? He said, “Want to touch.” And he was absolutely right. It is also worth paying attention to the fact that a loving person always has serious intentions. And, therefore, he does things. Don't believe empty words.

Signs of falling in love

Falling in love, unlike love, is short-lived. This is a purely emotional feeling. Sympathy, a riot of hormones. By the way, the World Health Organization has recognized emotions towards another person as a disease. This disease is purely psychological in nature and is accompanied by the following dysfunctions of the body:

mood swings;
insomnia;
absent-mindedness;
confusion in thoughts;
pressure surges;
headache;
rash acts.

The main signs of sympathy for another person:

You always want to be closer to the object of your sympathy. People who feel sympathy always strive to shorten the distance. Accidentally sit closer, bend over.
Changing the timbre of the voice. A person who sympathizes, when addressing the object of sympathy, will definitely speak more tenderly, calmly, and quietly.
The desire to demonstrate your confidence. In the company of the object of sympathy, people behave relaxed and calm. As if showing “I am the one you need.”
If you constantly catch the eye of a representative of the opposite sex, most likely he is experiencing emotions towards you. The object of sympathy often evokes a feeling of aesthetic pleasure. In other words, when we feel sympathy, we always strive to admire the object.

Psychology of love

Our body produces different hormones at different times in our lives. And subsequently he himself creates the conditions for their further reproduction. That is, the choice of a partner is not accidental.

As mentioned above, love comes with time. After you get to know your partner, you will understand how he lives and is guided in his actions. But often people are mistaken, sincerely considering their feelings to be just their loneliness. People are in constant fear of being rejected and therefore strive to assert themselves in every possible way, creating all sorts of inconveniences for their partner, trying to suppress him morally. The psychology of love has a very subtle basis and represents a whole set of factors.

Love has its own stages of development:

sympathy;
satiety with each other - a desire for freedom, a turning point;
denial, manifested in fatigue, the desire to give up everything;
tenderness, mutual care, the beginning of the emergence of true love;
Love.

In every quarrel you should ask yourself: am I okay with this person? Is this fight really important for our relationship? Do I want to be happy or right?

Psychology of falling in love

Of course, before love comes love, attraction, sympathy. But we choose the object of feelings guided by the subconscious. Often it becomes a person who has something similar to his parents. Like a memory of a bright, warm childhood. We look for these traits in a partner to prolong unconditional happiness. Or, conversely, the other half is strictly opposite to the images in your head, if they are negative.

Under the influence, we become better. More fun, luckier, more confident. Therefore, the state of falling in love is also very important for a person’s self-esteem. We seem to see ourselves through the eyes of the object of sympathy and seem ideal to ourselves. Falling in love can last for years until a person realizes that the image of a partner drawn in the head is fundamentally different from reality. Thus, falling in love is self-deception. And it can only be revealed by time spent together. If years later, having passed the test of quarrels, everyday life and fading interest, disappointment does not occur, love arises.

Thus, our body arouses sympathy within itself. This is a combination of chemical factors that arise from the desire to receive the hormone, and psychological, at the subconscious level.

How to distinguish love from infatuation

So, falling in love differs from love in the following factors:

Selfishness. Love does not tolerate “pulling the blanket”; true feelings are aimed at the comfort of another. And your happiness is meant as the happiness of your other half.
Convention. Falling in love necessarily has some special feature in its priorities - a smile, a mole. Love perceives a person as whole.
Passion. Rarely does anyone manage to maintain raging passions during the stage of love. Therefore, if a couple hugs and kisses passionately all the time, most likely this is just the beginning.
Depth. True feelings don't go away. They can only grow stronger over time and take on new forms.
Self-sacrifice of one's interests if they interfere with one's soul mate. Sympathy does not imply such dedication.
Love is manifested in actions, caring for a partner.
The main companion of feelings is time. You can start talking about their occurrence only after a year of relationship. Provided that everything is also good for you together.

Love and infatuation have quite a lot of differences. Taking Ray Short's 12 “keys” as a basis, these differences can be formulated as follows:

Difference 1 - What attracts most.

Crush: The physical attributes of another person, e.g. beautiful face and good figure.

Love: The personality of a person as a whole. Physical attraction is also present in feelings, but only along with many other attractive qualities.

Difference 2 - How many different qualities are attractive in this person?

Falling in love: Usually the number of such qualities is small, but they can have a very strong impact (for example, you can go crazy from a smile or gait).

Love: When you truly love, you like all or most of the qualities in another person.

Difference 3 - How did it start?

Falling in love: Arises quickly. There is no true love at first sight, but love at first sight can break out.

Love: True love always comes slowly. It is impossible to love a person without getting to know him, and this takes time, a lot of time.

Difference 4 - How consistent is the interest?

Falling in love: Interest flares up and then goes out. One of the reasons for this is that falling in love occurs too quickly and therefore its roots are not deep. And in general the relationship is superficial.

Love: Feelings will be warm and tender rather than fluctuating from passionate passion to cold indifference, they will be more constant. True love grows slowly, but its roots run deep.

Difference 5 - How does feeling affect you?

Falling in love: Infatuation has a disorganizing effect on the personality. Makes you less responsible and efficient. Romantic feelings completely take over you, and you walk around, immersed in dreams.

Love: If love is genuine, the best qualities and the desire to become even better come out.

Difference 6 - How do you treat others?

Falling in love: The entire “universe” revolves around one person. The rest of the relationship seems completely unimportant. Feeling becomes the most important thing in life. It is the only thing that matters from now on. You think that for the sake of this amazing “love” that has entered your life, you can be forgiven for doing anything.

Love: When you truly love, the person you love is the most important person in the world to you, but relationships with family and friends do not lose their importance.

Difference 7 - How do others view your relationship?

Falling in love: It is likely that your parents and many of your friends will not approve of this relationship. One of the dangerous aspects of falling in love is that you tend to idolize the other person. You don't see flaws because you are “blinded by love.” Friends, in a sense, are your “mirror”. If you're passionate about someone, your friends often don't share the same feelings. If they see red flags, you should pay attention and listen to their opinion.

Love: When you truly love, there is a greater chance that your parents and most friends will approve of your choice.

Difference 8 - How do breakups affect?

Falling in love: If you are just infatuated, then time and distance will kill the feeling. Over time, another living person nearby will replace the loved one who remains only in the photograph.

Love: When you truly love, the absence of your loved one only intensifies the feeling. True love will definitely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it accepts him entirely as a person. Time spent together helps you grow together. Therefore, during separation, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even a very attractive one, cannot fill the emptiness in your heart.

Difference 9 - How do disagreements affect feelings?

Falling in love: Over time, quarrels become more frequent and serious. You fight because you have nothing else to talk about. Discord, tears and romantic “reconciliations” only relieve you of boredom.

Love: When you truly love, you may have disagreements, but true love survives them and quarrels become less frequent and serious.

Difference 10 - How do you view your relationships?

Falling in love: You tend to think of yourself and your loved one as two people, and accordingly use pronouns in your thoughts and speech: “I”, “me”, “mine”, “he”, “his”, or “ she her". You think of you as two separate individuals.

Love: When you really love, you usually use words: “we”, “our”, “us”. You think of you as one.

In families where true love exists, husband and wife enjoy doing things together.

Difference 11 - Are you selfish or selfless?

Falling in love: Interest in another person is mainly selfish. A guy can date a beautiful and noticeable girl only because it flatters his pride and raises his prestige. In the same way, a girl can keep a guy “on a leash” because his devotion raises her value in the eyes of others.

Love: You like a person for what he is, and not because he can help you assert yourself.

Difference 12 - What is the basis of your feelings?

Falling in love: Is your goal to find someone who will completely dedicate their life to making you happy? Do you take care of yourself first? If yes, then you are just infatuated. Your general attitude is selfish - you care most about what you can get from this relationship.

Love: Love is selfless and devoted. You strive to do whatever it takes to bring joy to others. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not what you can receive.